


How You Really Feel

by metalshootingstar



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Past Abuse, Whump, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 08:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metalshootingstar/pseuds/metalshootingstar
Summary: David wonders about how Patrick really feels about him..and about them.aka my contribution to Whumptober





	How You Really Feel

David walked into the store, and he paused when he saw the tension in Patrick's shoulders as he stood over the counter with lots of paperwork in front of him. He was hunched, hands folded into fists, and jaw was clenched. Something wasn't quite right but honestly David was choosing to ignore that, he went over and gently placed his hand on Patrick's arm only for him to move out of his grasp.

"Patrick? Is everything ok?" Asked David, and Patrick stood to look at him. Behind those eyes is nothing but hatred and scorn and bitterness, so unlike the man he's going to marry. He gasps lightly, as Patrick grips his arm tightly in a vice grip. He can feel those fingernails digging into him even through the fabric of his sweater. Still, David tries to remain calm. "Patrick, you're hurting me and I would like you to let go of my arm right now."

But Patrick doesn't, he just glares at him almost like he's studying him. Immediately David tries to think of what he did this morning or even sometime before that made Patrick so angry. Fuck, what did he do? Then he notices the papers and they're all expenses for the wedding. Suddenly it makes sense. He cries out, as Patrick shoves him away.

"Ok Patrick I get you're stressed but that's no reason to take it out on me! Let's just...talk about this." Said David, trying to keep his voice even.

"I don't want to talk to you right now." Said Patrick, and David winces at the harshness in his tone.

"Well y'know what? We're going to talk about this." Said David, making Patrick scoff as he leaned against the counter and fold his arms over his chest.

"Fine, I can't do this David. This, us, was a fucking mistake and I should have known better. We're through. I don't want to do this anymore. Besides, you never really meant anything to me anyway. You're broken, you're beyond fixing, you're not something I want to take the time to handle. Simple as that. If anything, you were a fucking waste of time, you're damaged goods and I can't find the patience to take on you as a project." Said Patrick, and David's jaw went slack as he backed away feeling like his heart was literally breaking and his chest ached and went tight as he tried to contain his tears.

"No, no Patrick I..I'm sorry, whatever it is we can fix it. Please, please don't leave we we can talk about.." Pleaded David, as he went over and tried to put his hand on Patrick's shoulder when Patrick backed up.

"Does it ever occur to you that I am done talking? That I am done with reflecting upon my words and action? Can't you just take a fucking hint that I'm done with you? I don't want anything to do with you anymore." Said Patrick, before grabbing David and shoving him against the wall, and suddenly David noticed how much stronger Patrick was. "This is all on you."

Before David can say anything else, a fist was about to collide with his face. He gasped, before waking up in a cold sweat. he sighed, taking in deep breaths as he looked around. He was in Patrick's apartment, and all was fine. He looked back at Patrick who was asleep on his side. David laid back down, and looked at him...just a nightmare. A dumb dream, brought on by fears and self doubt. He knew deep down, that what Dream Patrick had said wasn't how his Patrick really felt. It couldn't be...could it? Maybe it was and he was keeping quiet about everything. Dark eyes looked at Patrick...

He loved Patrick, deeply.

Patrick was someone who helped him, who was his soulmate and who meant more to him than anything in this whole world. Who made him truly believe that happiness could be an actual option for him. Who challenged him and who wasn't afraid to call him out when he was being ridiculous but who was also endlessly kind and good and who was there to support him and encourage him when he needed it. Who was his rock, the man he was sure he'd spend the rest of his life with. Except...he was sure of this with one person before Patrick, and that relationship ended in two weeks in the hospital, and a radius that never healed quite right. He went through what Dream Patrick said.

David was broken...beyond fixing...a waste of time...damaged goods...all true.

He sighed and rolled over to his other side trying to get some sleep.

The next day it's like deja-vu, because he walks into the store and there's Patrick pouring over papers hunched over and a little tense.

"Everything ok?" Asked David apprehensively.

"Hm? Oh yeah, just trying to figure out where my family's going to sit in this seating arrangement you made. While my family is close, some of my aunts don't talk to each other, and some cousins you do not want sitting together believe me. Oh and are we allowing kids at this wedding? Because I do need to know ahead of time, so I can let the cousins who do have kids know, so they can plan ahead with any babysitters." Said Patrick, looking up for only a brief second and David smiled softly because everything seemed fine. He looked and saw that Patrick had a small whiteboard full of several names and lines connecting some to others as he looked over the seats.

"Um, yeah maybe make this a childfree space...if that's ok." Said David, Patrick smiled softly.

"Yeah it's fine, I'll let them know." Said Patrick, before leaning in and kissing David on the lips much to the other's pleasant surprise. "Thanks."

David smiled softly, and Patrick's smile fell slightly and he furrowed his brow at the sight of the bags under David's eyes that he clearly tried to hide and failed to. Patrick gently stroked David's cheek.

"Hey you ok?" Asked Patrick.

"Yeah, I am...I...I just, didn't sleep well last night. I mean, there's so much to plan. We also need to pick a honeymoon location and the venue, and that's if we even want to do this." Said David, when he realized what he said.

"Wait what? What do you mean 'if we want to do this?' Asked Patrick, now looking more concerned than ever.

"It's just..." David bit his lip and sighed as he folded his arms across his chest. Patrick went over, and gently wrapped his arms around his fiance, before taking his hand and leading him to the backroom where they sat down. David meanwhile, was just going over everything in his mind. The whole nightmare and then this and struggling to tell if maybe Patrick wasn't sad or miserable maybe he was just fine. He sighed as he sat down and Patrick took his hands in his, thumbs gently rubbing the skin that was there. His hand before his middle finger found the radius that never quite healed the right way. A reminder of a monster he hoped David would one day forget.

"Just what?" Asked Patrick softly.

"I had a nightmare, last night. You said you wanted to end it and that I was broken and beyond fixing and damaged goods. That I was a waste of time and patience and that we were...a mistake." Said David, trying not to cry. "And I, I don't know I just thought that maybe that's how you really felt."

"No, David. That is the total and complete opposite of how I feel. This, what we have? There's never been anything more right than that. That sentence didn't make any sense hang on." Said Patrick making David chuckle softly. "What we have, is right and it's real and there is no one else I would rather be with than you."

"Really?" Asked David softly. "Because I know I can be a lot for some people, I can be a challenge."

"It's really not, being with you...marrying you, is the easiest decision of my life." Said Patrick sincerely, as he reached up and gently placed a hand on David's cheek. "And I know, that your past makes it hard for you to see that. It makes it hard for you to understand that I love you and that you're deserving of that love. That those people, the ones who hurt you and who treated you like shit are scum."

"There is one thing...I didn't tell you." Said David, with a small sniff. "Um, in the dream just before I woke up. You were going to hit me."

"I'm so sorry." Said Patrick, as he gently wrapped his arms around David cradling him in his arms and kissing him as David clung to him and began crying. Even if it had been a dream warped by David's insecurities he still wanted to apologize. "I'm so sorry, I would never ever do that to you. You mean so much to me, I love you so much."

David sniffed and sighed, feeling safety and security and comfort in Patrick's warm embrace.

"I know, I know you'd never do it it's just...I don't know, there have been many partners who've said the same thing and all it took was one bad day, one event where I was being too annoying, too loud, too dramatic, and...sometimes I 'needed to be taught a lesson.' according to some." Said David and Patrick looks at him in horror. "...and then I met Julian, and he could be the nicest person in the world, just the sweetest man. But he was also...violent and had a temper that...was very scary. But unlike the others, with him I don't know it's just that...he would be awful but then he'd extend olive branches to me, that would make me think that it was ok. We were ok. Then one day he proposed and I was...very scared, because I guess thats when I had a lucid moment...I knew he'd never change, so I said no. Next thing I know I'm in the hospital for two weeks. I know you're different, I know you'd never ever hurt me but...it's like...there's a part of me that...it's still afraid."

Patrick studies David closely but he sees nothing of the dream. Just warmth, tenderness, and love.

"That's normal, and I understand. What happened to you, it's not going to go away. But I promise, I will never hurt you, I will never lay a hand on you, I will never take my anger out on you. Because I love you, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and...I promise to treat you the way you're meant to be treated. I make no promises on murdering that one specific ex though." Said Patrick, trying to add some lightheartedness at the end there making David laugh as he dried his tears.

"You would not do well in prison though." Said David, He let out a surprised cry as Patrick laid him down on the couch. He smiled and wrapped his arms around Patrick as the other man began to kiss him. Kiss his lips, his temple, his neck before resting his forehead against David's.

" You're perfect and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." Said Patrick softly.

"Are you sure?" Asked David softly.

"Easiest decision of my life." Said Patrick, making David smile as they kissed.

David was broken, he was damaged goods, but he wasn't beyond fixing. As long as Patrick was with him...maybe little by little those memories and those thoughts would drift away.


End file.
